music woes : (

Disappointment. That’s what I was feeling with myself last night (and still am now). For my school’s Christmas program I had to play my violin for a song and sing a short little solo in another. I didn’t do “bad” on either . . . but I didn’t do my potential, either. My intonation (how in-tune I was) on the violin was very shady and I was hard to hear. Part of the fault lies in my instrument. I’m actually looking for a new one–hopefully during Christmas vacation I’ll crack down on that. But it’s also my fault as well. The solo was so-so. It’s mainly just the violin part that I’m upset about. I’m not known as a singer, it’s no big deal if I can’t sing. But I am a violinist . . . actually, I’m more of a fiddlist, but I should have the ability to be both! I can critique and criticize others’ music and performances just fine . . . I have a good enough ear for that. Yet when it comes to myself I’m not diligent enough to produce a fine-quality piece. Grrrr!! Ironically, the day before this happened, I’d briefly disgusts this topic with a friend and ended up coming to the conclusion that it’s okay to be disappointed in yourself occasionally, because, to quote myself, “it keeps ya humble :)”. Ya, well, humility pretty much sucks. : ( It’s like I want the chance to redeem myself in front of them all. I felt like saying, “Please, just let me play ‘Bile Them Cabbage Down’ [a fiddle piece I play] then you can see me actually shine.” But that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes we only have one chance and we either soar or botch it up completely. Last Christmas I actually played the worst I ever have: that was completely bad. I think maybe I’m just improving a tiny bit each Christmas. *eye roll* Give me a few years and maybe you’ll hear my true music.

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