My Return

I took a break from blogging…a very lengthy one…and now that I feel ready to return, I am finding it hard to do so. One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because I scared myself.  When I first began my journey with blogging, it was a fun adventure that I went on with myself.  None of my family or friends knew that I blogged.  The people who left comments were strangers to me.  I learned from these strangers and had a wonderful time of examining myself and my beliefs. 

Then I took the next step.  The plunge. 

I began to “advertise” my blog a bit more.  Nothing extravagant, but I included it on a job application that asked for website experience, I posted my blog on facebook, I admitted to friends that I had one (if the subject came up).  It still was a very small number of people who knew about my blog and I certainly didn’t create a “following” of any kind.  I didn’t want one!  That wasn’t my purpose.  I had just grown tired of “hiding” it.

There was something disconserting, however, about people I run into throughout my day commenting to me about  my blog.  It only took a couple of comments–some good, some not–for me to get nervous.  I went back and re-read old posts and realized I was now allowing people in my life to see a side of me that I had always sheltered from them.   

I then became concerned that I was starting to sound like some “know-it-all” smart-alec.  I am very aware that, as a young college student, I do not have all the answers.  I am at the point in my life where I am seeking knowledge from other people and learning from their ways.  I am refining my beliefs and altering them.  What I claimed to believe in this blog two years ago may not be something I still agree with today!  Life changes, I change.  

And so I stopped blogging.  

It was quite convenient, actually.  I needed the time to focus on school and college this past semester.  The break has been good for other reasons, as well.  I feel like a new person.  I have new priorities, new concerns and new goals.  Some of those shifts have ocurred in the pages of this blog, but many didn’t come to full bloom until after I had stopped. 

However it happened, I have finally come to the place where I am ready for people–anyone, even my close friends–to see the real me.  I’m ready to once again take down my guard and give a sincere picture of my life and my values.  I do not know how often I’ll be blogging.  It is not my priority, and it will have to happen in between my life.  I have a new goal to just live life to the fullest.  Live my values, not preach them.  Live my goals, not just dream them.  Live my love, not just say the words. 

Here is a song that has ministered to me lately.  It sums up where I am right now.  May it bless you, as well!

Love,
Em

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