contradictions

I’ve received several heart-warming comments from some of you lately in reference to my blog and just wanted to say “thank you!”  Comments are always, always, always appreciated.  Any of you who have your own blogs know how relieving it feels to be assured you’re doing something right.  I’m grateful that things I say strike a chord with people.  That is one of the reasons I do this. 

One thing I am sure I will never be complimented on, however, is my blog schedule or the timeliness of my posts.  I haven’t written a word here in several weeks!  Part of that is due to a busy schedule with college, but a lot more is due to laziness.  I find myself mulling over what I should blog about, then scratching all my ideas because they aren’t profound enough. Then I realize that trying to be “great” or “profound” is killing my blog.  Striving leads nowhere.  So, I’m going to jump on something rather random today and ask for some feedback.

I attended a lecture on the craft of writing this afternoon.  The lady speaking shared her favorite quote by Walt Whitman. 

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”  ~Whitman

I am not a big fan of poetry, but Whitman’s poetry would rank as some of my favorite.  I feel this quote to be somewhat cocky of Whitman, but I couldn’t help but empathize.  As a writer, I have so many ideas running through my head that it is very hard to keep them all in perspective. 

So what do you think?  Is the great Walt Whitman merely speaking of the dichotomy that exists in the human mind…or is he bragging about his own greatness and ability to be above average?  (To get this quote in its context, read “Song of Myself.”)

Thanks in advance for any and all opinions!

Blessings,
Em

One Year Later

About this time last year I said this about a memorable horse ride with my aunt and uncle:

It was 8:30 at night, a beautiful sunset. My aunt put Baby Whitney in a stroller and came out and watched. The four of us laughed and talked . . . nothing heavy. He (my uncle) rode, she rode (her first time since having the baby). They took turns slowly pushing the stroller back and forth, because Whitney was fussing a little. We took pictures. . .It was beautiful. Afterwards, I helped my uncle put the horses in. I fed them, brushed them. We talked. All was right with the world. Family. It was the way God intended it to be. No one rushed, just giving each other time, love and beauty.

That story was my way of mourning.  To read the whole thing, click here.  That night riding horse is memorable for me because it was the last time I saw Baby Whitney.  She was a very sick baby and died a couple days later.  Today, the 16th of August, is the first anniversary of her death.  Truthfully, I forgot about that this morning.  I had it in my head that it was the 20th of August, because that was (or was close to) the day of her funeral.  But then, this afternoon, my uncle called and told us to tie up our dog.  We were puzzled until he confessed that he was on his way to visit us…riding horseback!  He and my aunt live just across the field from our place and, though we’ve joked about his just trottin’ over, he has never actually done it.  He came alone (they only have one riding horse, so my aunt couldn’t come.  She’s also pregnant again–due in December–and can’t ride.) 

When we found out my uncle was coming, my brother casually commented, “Isn’t it Whitney’s death date today?”  I looked it up, and he was right.  It was.  My uncle arrived and we all took turns riding horse.  It was the first time any of my family had ridden Bits.  For them, this was fun.  For me, walking Bits along the driveway and eventually picking up to a trot out in our pasture, it was about re-living memories.  It was about a baby who I loved and longed for, but was forced to give up, never allowed to cuddle with her or watch her grow.  It was a way of healing.  We didn’t talk about Whitney at all, but I did ask my uncle how he and my aunt were doing, and he said they were fine.  I’m grateful.  Today was a big day and this horse ride was about healing as much as it was anything else. 

 

                                                                                                                          Me & Bits, 2008, before Whitney’s death

Me & Bits today, one year later

Every sunday I try to spend some time reflecting and meditating on life.  Today, I learned the exact same lessons I blogged about last year: take time for family.  I truly believe that’s the way the world was meant to run.

Blessings,
Em

My Return

I took a break from blogging…a very lengthy one…and now that I feel ready to return, I am finding it hard to do so. One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because I scared myself.  When I first began my journey with blogging, it was a fun adventure that I went on with myself.  None of my family or friends knew that I blogged.  The people who left comments were strangers to me.  I learned from these strangers and had a wonderful time of examining myself and my beliefs. 

Then I took the next step.  The plunge. 

I began to “advertise” my blog a bit more.  Nothing extravagant, but I included it on a job application that asked for website experience, I posted my blog on facebook, I admitted to friends that I had one (if the subject came up).  It still was a very small number of people who knew about my blog and I certainly didn’t create a “following” of any kind.  I didn’t want one!  That wasn’t my purpose.  I had just grown tired of “hiding” it.

There was something disconserting, however, about people I run into throughout my day commenting to me about  my blog.  It only took a couple of comments–some good, some not–for me to get nervous.  I went back and re-read old posts and realized I was now allowing people in my life to see a side of me that I had always sheltered from them.   

I then became concerned that I was starting to sound like some “know-it-all” smart-alec.  I am very aware that, as a young college student, I do not have all the answers.  I am at the point in my life where I am seeking knowledge from other people and learning from their ways.  I am refining my beliefs and altering them.  What I claimed to believe in this blog two years ago may not be something I still agree with today!  Life changes, I change.  

And so I stopped blogging.  

It was quite convenient, actually.  I needed the time to focus on school and college this past semester.  The break has been good for other reasons, as well.  I feel like a new person.  I have new priorities, new concerns and new goals.  Some of those shifts have ocurred in the pages of this blog, but many didn’t come to full bloom until after I had stopped. 

However it happened, I have finally come to the place where I am ready for people–anyone, even my close friends–to see the real me.  I’m ready to once again take down my guard and give a sincere picture of my life and my values.  I do not know how often I’ll be blogging.  It is not my priority, and it will have to happen in between my life.  I have a new goal to just live life to the fullest.  Live my values, not preach them.  Live my goals, not just dream them.  Live my love, not just say the words. 

Here is a song that has ministered to me lately.  It sums up where I am right now.  May it bless you, as well!

Love,
Em

too personal?

I love to blog.  I don’t read a lot of other’s blogs, however.  I stated in my “about” section, that this site of mine is like a personal, on-line journal.   It’s a way for me to discipline myself to write something habitually.

But is blogging too personal?  Should people be posting their beliefs, thoughts and ideals all over the World Wide Web?  I can’t help but think that people will get too caught up in blog life–and others’ lives  through blogging– and forget about their real life.   

Why do you blog?

some days

Some days I dread blogging.  I feel like it’s so pointless in the grand scheme of things.  I want to blog, but am stuck in this belief that I have to have poignant and impressive posts every day and am a failure if they’re not.  Why do you suppose this is?  Why the need to impress people?   When I know that I cannot measure up, then I settle for less.  I write boring little things, or post unimportant videos, just to take up space.  I don’t want to “risk”, so I do less than my ability.

This is not right.  If blogging is important, than I should be giving more effort to it.  Maybe I need to change up my profile.  That may help, but only temporarily.

How do you keep yourself inspired to blog?  Or maybe I should say, how do you blog when uninspired?

Blessings,
Emily

right or not?

So, this was a post that was meant to be published last week:

Hmmm.  I’m presently faced with a dilemma (Presently meaning right this second as I type this.)  I’m at work (I work at my school’s library) and the book cart I’m working on has come to a stand-still while my boss is in the back searching for a missing item for me.  I literally cannot do anything until she gets back, but who knows how long she will be digging around in storage?

So, I’m just sitting here.  I HATE being bored and looking lazy–especially at work.  Everyone else is so diligently working and I don’t just want to sit around.  So I’m checking e-mail and–obviously–blogging while at work.

I’m so ashamed, though!  I’m not supposed to be getting paid to be on-line!  Every time someone walks by I quickly close the window and click on random buttons on my computer screen, faking diligence.

I had just finished writing the entry, and was about to type in TAGS, when my boss arrived.  I quickly minimized the window.  Then both my boss and another lady I work with had to use my computer quickly for some things.  And there was my minimized window “footsteps of life” at the bottom.  I have no idea if they saw it or not.  I just felt so GUILTY. What is the chance that the ONE time I’m on-line at work that would happen? 

When I got back on, I just exited the window without getting the chance to publish the article and have been busy every second since, it would seem.  But I’ll post it now.

Tell me:  Is it wrong to do personal stuff while working??   Honest opinions, now!!

Blessings,
Em

I hate these things

So, if you remember this post, which I wrote almost two months ago, my laptop broke down.  Kind of.  It wasn’t working right for a long time.  Anyway, I just got it back from Dell YESTERDAY.  They can’t fix it and won’t warranty it.

Supposedly, you can’t use laptops on soft surfaces, such as beds, couches or YOUR LAP. (and they call it a LAPtop why??)  When you do this, it blocks the fans.  Laptops need to be set on hard surfaces.  I did not know this. (Hey, I’m computer illiterate.  Cut me some slack)

My computer is WORSE now.  Not only did they not fix it, now it won’t turn on.  Some error message pops up instead.  Grrr.  I really hate computers.   

So I’m doing all my blogging courtesy of my college roommate and her generosity at sharing her computer.  Therefore, as you can see, posts are sporadic and I’m slow at responding to comments.  I’m very sorry.  But please don’t let that stop you from commenting.  I try get here when I can!

Computer-less,
Emily

Not again…

 

Why is it these things never work?? My laptop is back in to get fixed AGAIN!!  It’s been in–no exaggeration–about every other week, maybe every two weeks, throughout the entire summer.

My computer man is as frustrated and tired to see it as I am to bring it.  lol

So, I’m now working on my parent’s desktop until who-knows-when.  So that may help explain if posts start becoming more sporadic and replies to comments short or nonexistant. 

I’m not trying to ignore you, it’s just difficult going back to a big, clunky computer and I can’t carry this one around with me wherever I go!

Can anyone empathize with me???

Gone

OUT OF OFFICE!

I will be gone until Father’s Day on my Youth Group’s Mission Trip.  I decided to halt blogging during that time, to just rejuvenate myself and relax.  Hopefully I will return refreshed and with my creative juices flowing for you all. 

Until Then,

Emily Grace

Maintenance questions

My plan for today was to share with you a video I made last night for my Bible camp.  However, I seem to have a problem.  WordPress will not let me post a video from my computer.  When I browse “My Videos” folder, it shows it’s empty (which isn’t true.)  Do any of you geniuses out there know how to fix this??  Should I be saving my folders as a certain file, or something.  When I browse for the video it’s for “all files”, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

It’s not the first time this has happened and it’s starting to annoy me.  😦   Hopefully I can get it up and working soon. Please be patient.  Thanks.

By the way, I now have only SIX more days of High School left.   🙂   🙂   🙂

Have a great day,

Emie